February 20, 2007 | Retail gone wrong

When I have a little too much time on my hands, I discover that you really can buy absolutely everything online.

In the market for an alarm clock?

February 4, 2007 | Retail gone wrong

On this Superbowl Sunday, I think it only fitting that I draw your attention to this fine item. Sure, it’s too late to get one for the big game today, but with a bit of careful planning, you could be ready to go in time for the World Series.

Oh! Or, you could give it as a gift for Valentine’s Day. Because nothing says “I love you,” like booze you can strap to your body.

January 31, 2007 | Retail gone wrong

I’m just not even sure what to say about this generous offer.

(I don’t care if you believe Valentine’s Day to be a tool of the evil corporate marketing machine, this is still twenty different kinds of wrong.)

January 22, 2007 | Hot Hot Hot!, Retail gone wrong

I know it’s really wrong, but I kind of like it anyway.

My favorite is this part:

It would make a great gift for that person who loves to cook and listen to music.

Right. Because I often need a bit of mood music when I’m making the extremely complicated gourmet meal of… toast.

January 5, 2007 | Hot Hot Hot!, Retail gone wrong

As you continue on your merry way this January, stocking up on Christmas clearance for next year, please just keep in mind that if you show this abomination and its incredibly low price to my beloved, I will have to hurt you.

(I can’t believe I’m saying this, but: If you must, keep in mind you can have it shipped to your local store for pick-up for free. Ack.)

December 21, 2006 | Retail gone wrong

Things that should come in spray cans: Paint, hairspray, WD-40, and roach killer.

Things that should never come in spray cans: Cheese, tans, miracle hair (dude, you’re bald… accept it and move on) and this stuff.

December 14, 2006 | Hot Hot Hot!, Retail gone wrong

Just fill out a short—if somewhat risque—survey, and receive a free sample of Commandos, “soft cotton comfort without the panties.”

(Personally, I’m rather fond of the soft cotton comfort of, well, actual panties, but I’m a little old-fashioned.)

December 11, 2006 | Retail gone wrong

“Reversible” and “blazer.”

List price of $225! (Where it was a huge seller at the last American Foundation for the Blind charity auction, no doubt.)

December 6, 2006 | Retail gone wrong

Or maybe just for someone you don’t like very much.

Regardless, it’s an interesting clarification.

December 3, 2006 | Hot Hot Hot!, Retail gone wrong

This one is, uhhhh, well, in case you need to do a little cleaning.

(Hey, I’m not recommending it; I’m just pointing it out. Please don’t tell me if you buy it.)