Hey there, Spring Clearance Sale at 6pm.com… how you doin’? You look great! I mean, you know, really, really good. All those up-to-80%-off prices on shoes and even in-season clothing. Mmmmm, mmm mmm. If I didn’t have to leave right now I would shop the heck out of you, you know what I’m sayin’?

Awww, c’mon baby, don’t be like that! Come back! It’s a compliment! Sheesh.