To try to make it up to you that I was in internet connection purgatory, yesterday, I thought we should have a contest. Tis the season for free stuff! Yes!
Have you seen Barnyard (tagline: The Original Party Animals Movie)? Would you like to? I have a promotional Barnyard DVD to give away, my pretties. (It is brand new, still sealed in the cellophane, but is marked as promotional and not permitted for resale.)
There are two ways you can try to win this one:
1) Leave a comment on this post explaining to me why the BULLS in this movie have UDDERS. (This has irritated me ever since the movie was released. Someone justify it to me, or at least make me giggle.)
or
2) Leave a comment on this post with a recipe for a holiday dessert or appetizer that will make me happy. What will make me happy? Something fairly unique, something that’s easy to prepare, and that doesn’t go all the way to 11 on the sinfulness scale with the fat and calories.
The first method allows you to explain the movie party animals to me, the second method allows for me to be a party animal. It’s all thematic.
One entry per person, please. I will accept entries until midnight on Friday, December 15th. The winner will be announced on Monday morning. Go!
I asked my son who is 14 and knows pretty much everything. He said “Mom, simple”. Simple? “Yeah, look at the picture of one of those bulls. Now put your hand over the udder. It looks like a fat dog. They had to give them udders so you’d know they were cattle.” Ummkay, now you know. Perfect Hollyweird circle thinking from right here in upstate New York.
Any questions?
I have not seen this movie, so I did not know about the bulls. That is udderly ridiculous!
Well… the udders are because if they put the, um, BOY parts in there, it might be highly disturbing to our sensibilities. (But, shhhh, don’t tell anyone that the udders are GIRL parts, or they might have to take those away too. You know, to protect our sensibilities.)
1 bar cream cheese
1 cup brown sugar
Soften the cream cheese, whip together and serve with sliced apples. It’s wonderful, sort of caramelly tasting, and I get requests for it every year.
And if you’re feeling particularly homemakerish, you can make your own cream cheese with milk from a bull with udders.
Having not seen the movie, I will share this awesome appetizer recipe. I took it to a shindig at the kids’ school and not only did they evaporate at once, I returned home to a box full of emails demanding the recipe. It’s so easy I’m almost embarrassed about it.
Ham & parmesan pinwheels
Open a refrigerated pie crust, spread with a layer of mustard, and lay slices of smoked deli ham all over it. Sprinkle with shredded (not that nasty Kraft stuff) parmesan cheese. Carefully roll up and slice thinly. Bake at 350 on parchment til golden brown.
These are also a fantastic brunch side- they really taste like bacon in pastry. What’s not to love?
Coated Cookie Drops
1 package (20 ounces) chocolate cream-filled sandwich cookies (read: OREOS!!)
1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
15 ounces white candy coating
12 ounces chocolate candy coating
Place the cookies in a blender or food processor; cover and process until finely crushed. In a small mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and crushed cookies until blended. Roll into 3/4-in. balls. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour. Melt white candy coating (I do it in the microwave), stirring until smooth; dip half of the balls tocompletely coat. Melt chocolate candy coating and dip remaining balls.** Place on wax paper until hardened. Drizzle whilte candies with remaining chocolate and chocolate candies with remaining white coating.
**If I am pressed for time, or more likely, just lazy, I simply coat all of the balls with the white chocolate and drizzle with a little melted chocolate coating.
This is one of my family’s favorites. It’s very easy, makes alot and hello? OREOS!! CREAM CHEESE!! WHITE CHOCOLATE!! It’s a trifecta of yumminess!
Cranberry Salad (AKA Cranberry Fluff)
2 12 oz packages fresh cranberries (they’re good for you)
1 cup white sugar
1 20 oz can crushed pineapple, drained
1 cup chopped pecan
1 pint heavy whipping cream
7 oz mini marshmallows
Directions:
1. Coursely chop the cranberries in food processor, put in a large non-metal bowl and mix in sugar. Cover and refrigerate for 12 hours.
2. Whip the cream until stiff. Add the pineapple and nuts to the cranberries, mix well. Fold in whipped cream and marshmallows; refrigerate until ready to serve.
Yumminess on a spoon and loved by ALL (even my four picky kids ranging in age from 5-14).
Here’s a recipe I just brought to a latke party the other day, and it was a big hit. I served it with baby carrots and sliced green peppers. The following is quoted from Family Fun magazine.
Roasted Red Pepper & Feta Dip
Your guests won’t believe this incredibly flavorful dish takes just minutes to prepare. The feta gives it a salty zip our testers thought went especially well with celery and fresh green beans. Tip: It makes a yummy sandwich spread too!
RECIPE INGREDIENTS:
1 whole roasted red pepper (from a jar)
1 cup crumbled feta
1 small clove garlic
2 tablespoons olive oil
1. Combine all the ingredients in a food processor.
2. Pulse for 10 seconds, scrape down the sides, then repeat until combined, about 1 minute. Serve with celery, green beans, toasted pita, crostini, tortilla chips, or broccoli. Makes 3/4 cup.
I don’t know why but I love these things:
Spinach Balls
2 pkg frozen chopped spinach
2 c Peppe Ridge Farm Herb Stuffing
6 beaten eggs
1/2 tsp thyme
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 c Parmesan cheese
3/4 c melted butter
Cook and drain spinach. Mix all ingredients together. Shape into balls the size of walnuts. Bake at 350 degrees approx. 20 minutes. Can be frozen for later use (warm again before serving).
My kids like them too except you can’t say “Spinach Balls” around them.
The bulls have udders so that men will bring their children and still have something to think dirty thoughts about. Trust me, men are pigs. Any port in a storm (storm being that uberly bizaar movie). Or maybe the cartoonists were the dirty pig men… but I’m sure that has something to do with it.
Transexual cattle. Had the horns attached. Saving up to have the udders removed.
My theory on the bulls is that bull penises are nasty. They’re all hairy and hung in the middle of the belly and just gross. And to many losery people, there is just no way to recognize cattle unless they have udders since there are so many fewer boy cattle than girl cattle. (Boys tend to go to slaughterhouses, whereas the girls are kept for milk so they live longer.) Hmm. That ended up coming off as a bit of a downer, huh?
I am all over this recipe contest! I love recipes!
The easiest one I know is to mix cream cheese, brown sugar and mini chocolate chips (all to taste) and dip graham cracker sticks in it…or just eat it with a spoon if you are like me. One other that I love is to smash up a bunch of graham crackers (around 1 sleeve). Melt some butter and peanut butter together in the microwave (about a cup of each) stir in crushed graham crackers and powdered sugar (around 3 cups) until it makes kind of a paste consistency and then place in a 9X13 pan. Refrigerate untl cool. Melt a bag of chocolate chips and pour over top. This part is important SCORE THE CUTTING MARKS WHILE IT IS STILL WARM and then place back in the refrigerator. If you don’t score it first you will never be able to cut it once it is hard. I always guestimate when making these bars, but if you want exact amounts, email me and I’ll dig up the recipe. Sometimes I make these into balls and dip each one into chocolate, but that is usually too much work for me.
We have never seen the movie, so I can’t even make a guess as to why bulls would have udders. Maybe they are gender confused???
Appetizer Recipe ala Homestead (aka If you knew my family you would know why this is important.)
Mojitos
1.5 oz Barbenbourt Estate Reserve (15yr.) rum or any good white rum (Or sometimes we just go Redneck and use the cheap stuff)
1.5 oz white sugar or Gurapro (sugar cane juice)
fresh mint (I have a pot growing almost all the time….)
mineral water, San Pellegrino is good water or whatever
fresh lime or lime juice to taste
Put sugar in glass, then crush 2 sprigs of fresh mint. Add rum, water, lime. Taste test liberally during cooking process and enjoy the holidays.
This is DELICIOUS, not as spicy as it sounds (if I can eat it, anyone can), and you can substitute several of the fattening ingredients with low-fat ones.
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Buffalo Chicken Dip
4-5 chicken breasts or three cans of chicken
1 bottle of Frank’s Red Hot sauce
2 blocks of cream cheese (can be low-fat)
1 bottle ranch dressing (8 oz) (again, low-fat is fine)
1/2 lb. monterey jack cheese
Boil chicken breast and shred into a 9X13 pan. Cover with entire bottle of Frank’s Red Hot sauce.
In a sauce pan over medium heat, mix cream cheese and bottle of ranch dressing. Stir until smooth. Pour over top of chicken/hot sauce.
Bake at 350 for 20 minutes, cover with shredded jack cheese, return to oven 10 min or until cheese is melted. Serve w/ Frito scoops.
Everyone raves over this recipe and always asks for it after they try it.
Great, now my mouth is watering. At 6:25 a.m., no less.
I’ll add one of my favorite super easy appetizers.
I got this from my Mother in law..
Baked Havarti
8 oz or so block of Havarti
1 pkg crescent rolls
Dijon mustard
Granny Smith apples, cored and cut into thin wedges.
pie pan, or some other oven friendly shallow dish, lined with foil.
Unroll crescent dough out so it’s one big rectangle, pushing the perforations back together so it doesnt come apart.
Center in dish, and place cheese in center.
Smear cheese with a coating of Dijon mustard.
Fold up edges so cheese is totally wrapped in dough, and crimp closed.
Baked using directions on the crescent dough package, or until cheese is totally melted and dough is nicely browned. (may take an extra 5 minutes or so, it depends on how thick your cheese is.)
Serve with apple wedges.
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Re: Cows with udders. Technically, a Cow is female. Period. So it would always have an udder. The Bull being male would not. So if the male ‘cow’ in the movie (i haven’t seen it yet, but i bet my 18 mo old would like it!) is a called a cow, then i would have to guess some sort of transgendered issues. If it’s called a ‘bull’ then i’d suspect he’s a drag queen!
PS: Isn’t Mir So Pretty?
Brushetta…So good and easy. Chop up a couple tomatoes, an onion, add olive oil, chopped garlic, basil and salt and pepper to taste. Serve with sliced french bread.
It’s so easy and always a hit at parties. Enjoy!
RE:”Bulls with Udders.”
Some possibilities:
1) Perhaps the bulls have been drinking too much soy milk?!
2) Its a film that introduces transgender complexities.
3) People find udders funny.
4) The screenwriters/animators are very out-of-touch with where their food comes from.
5) The screenwriters/animators wanted to see if people noticed the details of their film.
Mir is oh, so pretty!
Glazed pecans. Easy to make and perfect for parties OR gift-giving.
1 egg white
1 tbs vanilla (or water)
1 c sugar
salt
1/2 tsp ground cinammon
1 lb pecan halves
Preheat oven to 250ËšF. Grease baking sheet.
Whip egg white and vanilla until frothy.
In a separate bowl, mix sugar, salt and cinammon.
Add pecans to liquid, stir to coat evenly.
Remove and toss with sugar until coated.
Spread pecans on baking sheet. Bake at 250ËšF for an hour. Stir every 15 minutes.
Transgendered bovines.
Plus? Hummus in celery is a great low calorie, low fat alternative to peanut butter in celery. Okay, so it’s a suggestion, not a recipe…
Ginger Cookies
3/4 cup vegetable shortening
1 cup sugar, plus more for rolling
1 large egg
1/4 cup molasses
2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Line cookie sheets with parchment paper or nonstick baking mats. Using an electric mixer at low speed, cream the shortening and sugar until thoroughly combined. Add the egg and molasses and beat until completely incorporated. Sift together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and salt and add to the mixture. Stir until combined. Roll the dough into balls about 1-inch in diameter. Roll the balls in sugar. Place 1/2-inch apart on the prepared cookie sheets. Flatten the balls slightly with your fingertips. Bake for 12 minutes. Cool on wire racks.
What could be more yummy?
You know Mir, not only are you pretty, but you are smart.
As for the udders, maybe the movie was written by a woman like me who, just for a second, even if it’s imaginary, would LOVE to see a man (even if it’s a cow) have to deal with ginormous saggy boobies 🙂
Everyone else came up with my explanations for bulls with udders (transgendered/tranvestite). The only other thing I can think of is really kinky, and being femininized(sp?)?
My recipe, incredibly easy
block of cream cheese
carton of sour cream
package of dried beef
chopped green pepper
paprika
Mix the first four together. Top with paprika. Bake until hot and bubbly. Serve with assorted chips and watch it disappear. It’s so easy my eight year old neice can make it.
My husband and I wondered that all through the movie about the udders. So people would know they were cows?
My recipe? Maple Pumpkin cheesecake. It’s fabulous!
INGREDIENTS
* 1 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
* 1/4 cup sugar
* 1/4 cup butter or margarine, melted
* 3 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
* 1 (14 ounce) can EAGLE BRAND® Sweetened Condensed Milk (NOT evaporated milk)
* 1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin
* 3 eggs
* 1/4 cup maple syrup
* 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
* 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* Maple Pecan Glaze:
* 1 cup whipping cream
* 3/4 cup pure maple syrup
* 1/2 cup chopped pecans
* whipped cream (optional)
* pecan halves (optional)
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
2. Combine graham cracker crumbs, sugar and butter; press firmly on bottom of 9-inch springform pan.
3. With mixer, beat cream cheese until fluffy. Gradually beat in EAGLE BRAND® until smooth. Add pumpkin, eggs, syrup, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt; mix well. Pour into prepared pan.
4. Bake 1 1/4 hours or until center appears nearly set when shaken. Cool 1 hour. Cover and chill at least 4 hours.
5. To serve, spoon some Maple Pecan Sauce over cheesecake. Garnish with whipped cream and pecans (optional). Pass remaining sauce. Store leftovers covered in refrigerator.
6. Maple Pecan Glaze: In medium-sized saucepan, combine 1 cup (1/2 pint) whipping cream and 3/4 cup pure maple syrup; bring to a boil. Boil rapidly 15 to 20 minutes or until slightly thickened; stir occasionally. Stir in 1/2 cup chopped pecans. Cover and chill until served. Stir before serving.
The cartoonists were male… every man really wants to have big milk-producing parts to enjoy at will….
Can’t help you on the bulls with udders… well, didn’t Men produce that? They’re dumb. It’s simple. Men. Are. Dumb. Explains everything they do.
On the cream cheese and brown sugar recipe above, you can add heath bits, YUMMY.
Now for my easy appetizer recipe. It may sound gross but it is delicious. We have it at every tailgating (LSU of course) Party. Block of cream cheese, out of the box, onto a pretty plate (at least licked clean). Jar of pepper jelly (tabasco makes it, it’s NOT spicy, it’s jelly!). Ritz or any kind of cracker. Pour jelly onto cream cheese, dip crackers into and eat. YUM.
Okay, I’ll leave a real recipe. This is a non-tomato salsa that gets rave reviews at parties.
Mandarin Orange Salsa
1 cup (11 oz can) mandarin oranges, drained (reserve 1/4 cup juice)
1 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro
1/2 cup sliced red onion
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1 rounded tablespoons Ortega diced jalapenos
1/2 teaspoon salt
Slice mandarin oranges in thirds and combine with rest of ingredients. Cover and chill for at least 2 hours. (I try to make it a day ahead so the flavors can blend; if you do that, though, don’t add the cilantro until the end because it may get a bit soggy.)
* I bump it up to three tablespoons; I like more kick!
I was going to ponder the udder predicament, but so many have already come up with such great ideas, I simply can’t compete. So I figured I’d double up on the recipe angle.
Here’s 2 for your holiday enjoyment.
Fruit Salsa
2 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and chopped
2 kiwis, peeled & diced
8oz. fresh raspberries
1 lb. strawberries, diced
2 T white sugar
1 T brown sugar
3 T fruit preserves (apricot is great!)
Mix, cover, chill for one hour. Serve with vanilla wafers, graham crackers or even over vanilla ice cream.
Anytime S’mores
Marshmallows
Graham cracker crumbs
Melted chocolate (1 C chocolate chips, 1 T vegetable oil)
Stick a popsicle stick in a marshmallow.
Dip in melted chocolate.
Roll in graham cracker crumbs.
Kids LOVE these.
Please pick me, pretty Mir, my grandkids would love the movie.
Thanks.
Chili Cheese Party Dip for the crockpot
1 lb ground beef, browned & drained
1 onion, chopped fine
1 green bell pepper, chopped fine
6-oz can tomato paste
3 oz water
1 packet chili seasoning mix
3 oz cream cheese
Mix everything up and put it in your crockpot. Cook 1 hour on HIGH and then turn down to low and keep it hot for the party.
Serve with your favorite tortilla chips.
Pineapple Lush cake
1 – Angel Food Cake (I use store bought)
1 – Regular size tub of Cool Whip
1 – Package Vanilla Instant Pudding
1 – Large can Crushed Pineapple
In a bowl, combine Pudding mix and Crushed Pineapple (with juice). Gently fold in Cool Whip. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.
To assemble, cut Angel Food Cake into 3 horizontal (equal) layers. Spoon some of the filling in between each layer and reassemble cake. Use remaining filling to “frost” the assembled cake.
This cake is too, too yummy! I make it for all family/work parties.
PS – I think the bulls were transgendered as well! Saving up their $$ to have the final operation.
Easy Fudge. Microwave together 1 can of frosting (Duncan Hines or Pillsbury for example) with 1 bag of chocolate chips (or any other flavor chip). Poor into buttered pan and allow to harden. Enjoy. Small pieces don’t hurt your diet too much. You can use any combo of frosting and chips for all kinds of fudge.
I think they got pissed off that the owl butter was getting so much attention…
Take a wheel o’ brie. shave off the top “crust”, smear with pesto and top with chopped roasted red peppers and pine nuts. Put in oven until melty.
Serve with crackers and watch out, people will want to kiss you it is THAT good.
CHOCOLATE CRINKLE-TOP COOKIES
2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips- divided
1 1/2 c. flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 c granulated sugar
6 Tbsp. margarine, softened
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/2 c. powdered sugar
Microwave: Melt 1 cup chocolate chips in medium sized microwave-safe bowl on high for 1 minute. Stir. Microwave at 10-12 second intervals , stirring until smooth; cool to room temperature. Combine flour, baking powder and salt in small bowl.
Beat: granulated sugar, butter, and vanilla on a large mixer bowl until crumbly. Beat in melted chocolate. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in remaining chocolate chips. Cover; chill until just firm. Shape dough into 1- 1/2 inch balls; roll in powdered sugar. Place on ungreased baking sheets.
Bake in preheated 350 degrees F oven for 10-15 minutes or until sides are set but centers are slightly soft. Cool for 2 miutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.
Enjoy 🙂
Appetizer:
Brown one thing of Jimmy dean sausage, add one thing of cream cheese (use low fat if you like), melt cream cheese into sausage and mix.
On a cookie sheet unroll crescent rolls. Spoon mixture onto rolls, fold rolls over the mixture. bake.
Yum yum.
I think Missy T nailed it with the bulls…they’ve been drinking too much soy milk.
Ummm, that brown sugar/cream cheese recipe sounds so good, I’m not even putting my recipe in.
My sister and I noticed the udders thing on the ads for the movie when it first came out . . . maybe it’s too much Bovine Growth Hormone?
Easy Cinnamon Rolls
*Buy frozen bread dough and let thaw
*Roll out until about 1/2 inch thick rectangle
*Spread butter thinly all over the top
*Sprinkle cinamon and sugar to your liking over the butter
*Add nuts if you would like
*Cut into 1 1/2 inch strips (you want to cut so that you have shorter strips instead of the longer strips)
*Start at one end and roll up.
*Bake at 350 until done (toothpick test)
*Mix powdered sugar and water together until sugar is completely dissolved
*Drizzle over the top of cinnamon rolls while still warm
YUMMY!!!!
I read through all of the comments ( I think) and am supries to see that nobody (hello mothers of the world..where are you?) suggested that some post partum mother designed the bulls with udders because the idea of enabling their husband/significant other/baby daddy to nurse their child just once was simply lovely/joyful/relaxing.
I am not complaining about nursing, but sleep deprived and me are Synonymous!
Mir, you are so pretty! And I have no idea about the udders, except maybe the soy milk suggestions LOL. Here is my recipe:
Crab Dip
Prep. 5 min.
Cook. 30 min. at 350
Yield: enough for a party, serve with triscuits, crackers
1 pound crabmeat (fake crab claw meat is fine)
½ pint sour cream
3 Tbsp. Lemon juice
½ C Cheddar cheese, grated (use ¼ in mixture and ¼ on top)
2 (8 oz. each) pkg cream cheese, at room temp.
1 tsp W. sauce
1 tsp. Old bay
Mix all ingredients together. Sprinkle cheese on top. Cover with paprika. Bake at 350 until crusty and bubbly, about 30 minutes. Serve hot.
This is sinfully good, but not more than an “8” on the sinful scale!
Damn, I hate contests around here, cause normally I only have to scroll down like three comments, but come contest time it’s like 40! Anyway I’ll try both:
1. Bulls have udders because it was a man who created the movie and anytime a man can stick on penis on anything he will. 😉
2. Had these at my cookie swap, they aren’t even cookies but OMG you will eat them in record time. I pinky promise you that!
1 stick butter
1 cup peanut butter
1 bag chocolate chips
1 box Golden Grahams cereal
Confectioner’s sugar
Melt the butter, peanut butter and chocolate chips together in a saucepan. Pour box of Golden Grahams into a very large bowl. Pour melted mixture over the cereal and mix thoroughly until all of the cereal is covered. Put approx. 1 cup confectioner’s sugar into a large paper bag. Dump the cereal mixture into the paper bag, fold over the top of the bag and shake until the cereal is coated.
Let me just start off by saying, I’m officially de-lurking you!
I haven’t seen the movie but my guess is that those poor hermaphrodiac (sp?) cowlls need love, too.
On to the recipe (and let me state that I know this won’t win because of all the delish ones to come before mine but I had to share my brother’s fav holiday treat.)
Ritz Bitz
Take two Ritz crackers. Smear one with peanut butter and the other with marshmallow cream, then press together. Dip into melted chocolate and wait for it to “set up.”
I say these are low on the guilt scale because although they may be oozing sugar, you can only eat a few at a time.
Two simple answers from someone who hasn’t seen the movie (but would like to):
1) Those. Aren’t. Udders. ::shudder::
2) Equal parts whole cranberry sauce and chili sauce (1 can to 1 bottle, as many as you need), frozen meatballs in the crockpot until everything is warmed through. Sweet and sour and yummy.
when you mentioned “Barnyard,” i immediately started thinking about the udders…and wondered if there was something *I* didn’t know…they truly stood out and i can’t believe they did that. i don’t get it either….
EM: you stole my recipe…..except i don’t use chili…yes on the cranberry sauce, so yummy!
LOVIN’ all the other ideas too!
Sadly, I’ve put some thought into the udders. I must have too much time on my hands! Yeah, right! Anyway, my thoughts are that first of all, they didn’t want to put any male parts because that would just be gross. They didn’t want to leave the bellies blank because, unless they put horns on them, you wouldn’t be able to tell it was a cow, really. So they stuck with udders. Maybe it was a play on that old joke where the city guy visiting his country relatives goes out and milks the bull? More likely, it was just the fact that kids identify udders with cows. And there were enough unidentifiable animals in that movie!
I would include a holiday desssert recipe for you, too. But not high in fat or calories? I have to assume you were joking!
Okay, I thought of a recipe that’s not too bad. You take one package of cream cheese (low-fat or no, your choice), and one jar of maraschino cherries and some ritz crackers. Stir some of the cherry juice into the cream cheese until it’s a cheery pink color and tastes sweet and yummy. Smear it on a cracker and then top it with a half of a cherry. They’re pretty and too yummy! My husband won’t eat them because they’re too pink. Don’t know what that’s about. He won’t drink strawberry milk, either.
I avoided the movie in theaters for just this reason. Drinking too much soymilk? Lactation envy? It’s all just too udderly ridiculous. In between recipes, people are milking this for all it’s worth. I teach sex ed. (yes, I do) and even my innocent 6th graders don’t have a cow about basic genitalia. Well, they blush a little while ruminating over their homework. Coming from America’s Dairyland, with a Cheesehead on my piano, I tell you, these cartoonists were dealing in major bull. Get a shovel.
This is a popular recipe at our house. Snack Mix. 3/4lb pretzels, 3/4 box cheeze its, 2 bags microwave popcorn, 1/2 pkg dry italian dressing, 2 garlic cloves, 2 tsp dill, 6 oz. Orville Redenbacker butter popcorn oil—-stir dressing and spices into oil. Pour over snack mix. Set up 24 hours. We think it taste good right away.
Peppermint Meringue Cookies (w.optional choco chips)
Preheat oven to 170 deg.
Line two cookie sheets with parchment or paper grocery bags -cut to size.
Crush four to five peppermint candy canes (reg size) and set aside. Separate the whites from yolks of 6 eggs. Use yolks in some other recipe (?)
With electric beater – whip whites into soft peaks. Gradually drizzle in 1 to 1 1/2 cups sugar. Continue to beat to firm/glossy peaks. Fold in crushed peppermint and choc. chips (optional – 1/2 handfuls).
Pipe whites on to cookie sheets (or by tablespoonfuls)and bake for 3 hours (yep – 3 hours) and check after about 2 hours to be sure they are not browning. They should be dry to the touch. Cool and then dust with powdered sugar and/or cocoa powder if you so desire.
My kids LOVE these…
Maybe for the same reason that men have nipples?
I know! I know!
There aren’t *really* any bulls in the movie. All the male parts are actually played by (female) cows. Just like “trouser roles” at the opera!
Um, yeah! lol
It could be that the bulls had nipples because the animators had never actually seen one? Bunch of city boys who included every image of a cow they had ever seen and didn’t know that they were drawing he/she cows?
Also, here’s an awesome, simple, *MIR IS PRETTY* recipe for your holiday festivities:
Spinach Artichoke Dip
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup shredded parmesan
10 frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed to drain
1 (14 oz) can artichoke hearts, coarsely chopped
(do not use marinated artichoke hearts!)
4 green onions, sliced
Combine the mayonnaise and parmesan in a medium bowl. Stir in spinach, cheese and onions. Spoon into 1 qt casserole and bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Serve with crackers or warm sourdough baguette slices. Mmm, mmm!
P.S. Thanks for asking everyone for recipes, I’m going to try a few of these myself!
A delicious and easy recipe for the very pretty Mir:
Pepperoncini Beef
1 hunk of beef (3lbs-ish? a cheap cut is fine – you’re cooking the daylights out of it so whatever)
1 jar pepperoncinis
cloves of garlic (4-5 is good if you like garlic)
1 envelope italian dressing mix
Peel and cut garlic cloves into 3-4 pieces each. Poke holes in your beef with a knife and tuck the garlic chunks in. Rub the beef with the italian dressing mix. Put the meat into the crockpot along with the jar of pepperoncinis (dump the juice in too) and cook on low all day long. 10 hours is awesome. Now, when you dump everything in the pot, you will say to yourself “Self, there is not enough liquid in there. Perhaps I should add some water.” DON’T LISTEN TO THAT VOICE. There is enough. I promise.
Anyway, when it’s all done cooking, shred the beef with a fork. It will pretty much be falling apart anyway, so this is not a labor-intensive step. I like to chop the pepperoncinis and mix them together with the beef, but you can do that or not as you like. This beef makes a damn fine sandwich, but it also makes a lovely appetizer – just top some crostini with the beef and provolone, put it in the oven to make the cheese all melty, and well, YUM.
pretty pretty gorgeous Mir:
the bulls were rejects from the “Jerry Springer: Bovine Secrets” episode. They are transexual cows. Having a nip of stardom on Jerry Springer, they went for the big bucks and the big screen. Now they have their SAG cards and were invited to the TomKat wedding.
I shouldn’t even win this contest (as if I could) because I won another contest of yours, but this recipe is so fun I thought I would share it. I’m sure gonna use some of those great recipes above. Anyway, it for Wassail.
2 qt. Apple juice
2 cups orange juice
2 cups pineapple juice
3/4 cup lemon juice
1 tsp. whole allspice (tie into a piece of cheesecloth to omit having to strain out later)
Put all of the ingredients in a large saucepan. Cover and heat over low heat until very warm, but do not boil. Pour into another serving dish, such as an insulated pitcher or punch bowl, straining out the spices as you pour. If using a punch bowl, garnish with a slice of orange or apple slices.
Now you have something to wassail when you go a-wassailing.
This is a very easy appetizer and it looks cool too!!
Buy one round brie cheese and one pillsbury pie crust. Put the cheese in the center of the pie crust and fold the pie crust over the brie. (kind of fold it like a pretty package on top. Then with some of the extra dough (I usually have to cut some of the dough on top to make it look like a pretty package 🙂 I cut out holly leaves and place on top. Put in a shallow baking dish and bake in a 350 degree oven until the pie crust is golden brown. Take out and place on a pretty platter with crackers. This is always a hit at my parties!!!
So, I’m guessing the udders are so we would talk about it in forums such as this and then people who wouldn’t have seen it otherwise would go see it. I’m synical and paranoid like that, though!
Dip Oreo cookies in melted white chocolate and then in crushed candy canes. Yummy and Pretty!
This is probably the best loved tea bread I make and it’s perfect for the holidays. I wish I credit myself with creating this recipe, but actually it’s a Jane Brody recipe from her book “Good Food Gourmet”. EVERYONE loves it and NO ONE believes me when I say it’s healthy! LOL I also have a healthy Stollen recipe, but it’s complicated, so I chose this one since simple was a must.
Four-fruit bread
2 cups whole-wheat flour
2 cups all-purpose flour (unbleached is healthier)
3/4 cup Grape-Nuts cereal
1 cup sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 large banana, mashed (ripe, not overripe for best flavor)
1 1/2 cups orange juice
2 eggs beaten
2 to 3 tablespoons grated orange peel
2 cups cranberries cut in half (frozen cut in half easier)
1 large apple, cored, peeled, and chopped
1/2 cup dried currants (or raisins)
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. In a large mixing bowl, stir together the whole wheat flour, all purpose flour, Grape-Nuts, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt (if desired).
3. In a small bowl, combine the mashed banana, orange juice, eggs, apples, and orange peel. (The orange will keep the banana and apple from browning, so add the apples and banana to the orange juice while chopping.) Add this mixture to the flour mixture, stirring the ingredients until they are just moistened.
4. Fold in the cranberries and currants. Distribute the batter among greased loaf pans. Makes 5 small loaf pans (about 6×3.5 inches) or 3 large loaf pans.
5. Place the pans in the hot oven, and bake the bread for 50 to 60 minutes, checking for doneness with a toothpick after 40 minutes. The tops should be golden brown.
Enjoy! This is my family’s favorite and I’ve distributed this bread for presents several times and it’s always well received.
My favorite holiday dessert is the Apple Clafouti from Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I won a cooking competition in 8th grade French class with this recipe. It’s simple and delicious and not too rich. Enjoy!
½ cup currants
¼ cup dark rum
Mix and let stand
1 stick of butter, melted
½ cup sugar
6-7 apples, peeled and sliced
Spread ½ the butter and ½ the sugar in a jelly roll pan. Add the sliced apples. Cover with the rest of the butter and sugar. Bake 25 minutes at 375°. Scrape into a glass baking dish (i.e. 10†pyrex pie plate). Drain the currants (reserving the rum) and pour half the rum over the apples.
3 eggs
½ cup sugar
¼ cup flour
enough light cream added to the remaining rum to make ½ cup
¼ t. cinnamon
Beat eggs and sugar until thick and yellow. Add flour, rum/cream and cinnamon. Add currants. Pour over apples and bake at 375° for 25 minutes.
Two recipes for you, the sweet and the savory…
1 bar cream cheese
1 jar roasted garlic onion jam (Stonewall Kitchen rocks!)
Soften the cream cheese, pour the jam over it and serve with crackers. People will lick it off the plate.
Idiot Cookies
1 sleeve of saltines
1 cup sugar
2 sticks butter
1 bag mini chocolate chips
Assorted toppings, be creative–mini m&m’s, dried cranberries, sprinkles, nuts
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a jelly roll pan with aluminum foil and spray with cooking spray. Line the pan with crackers as close together as possible (great kid activity!) Melt butter and add sugar, boil for 3 minutes. Pour over the crackers, bake for 12-15 minutes until light golden brown. Sprinkle chips over pan, let sit until chips begin to melt. Spread the chocolate evenly over the crackers. Sprinkle on toppings before the chocolate begins to harden. Break into pieces.
Sounds fattening as hell, but isn’t, really, as one does not eat as much of the dip as you’d think. Besides, it’s pretty, quick, cheap, and EEEEEEEEEEEEEASY.
Smoked Turkey & Grapes with Apricot Curried Mayonnnaise:
1 part mayo (can use lowfat, but NOT nonfat — Duke’ is best, but if you aren’t southern, I’m sorry.)
1 part apricot preserves (cheapest on sale)
curry powder (1 tablespoon curry powder per cup of preserves or to taste)
Mix together. Let sit in fridge, covered, for at least an hour, or let rest in car on the way to the damn party.
Serve with cubes of smoked turkey (get the deli counter to cut you fat slabs of smoked turkey, and cut into cubes), red seedless grapes and/or green seedless grapes (whichever is on sale). You can put a cube of smoked turkey and one or two grapes on each toothpick, or you can pile cubes of turkey besides grapes and offer an egg cup of toothpicks beside the plate. A dark colored plate (blue, green, black) offsets the golden dip, pale turkey and grapes really well.
Leftovers mixed together make an AMAZING turkey salad for sandwiches.
My 4 year old made them so his “Papa can share with his buddies at work”!
small pretzels
rolos
pecan halves
Cover a cookie sheet in foil.
Spread pretzels around on cookie sheet, place a rolo on top of each pretzel, heat in 250 degree oven for 4 minutes.
While Rolo is still soft smash a pecan into it gently. If the pecan half is broken use two broken pieces. We cannot waste pecans around here!
After you have all the pecans snuggled into a rolo remove the pretzels from the pan by using both ends of the piece of foil and place on a counter to cool Use caution when balancing so you dont drop them all over the floor. Fido will really enjoy these treats! When you pack them up place a piece of wax paper between then so they do not stick to each other. These are simple and tasty!! Kids love to make them!
Mir: if you would like to see pictures of my son making them let me know, I’ll send you the link.
Want to know the secret to peanut butter cups? Here it is.. different shape, but JUST as good!
1/2 c. peanut butter
3 T butter softened
1c powdered sugar
8 oz chocolate flavored confectioner’s coating (almond bark)
stir peanut butter and butter. Gradually add sugar and stir til combined. Shape into balls and put on wax paper. Let set for 20 min. Melt chocolate over low heat. Cool slightly. Dip balls into chocolate and let excess drip off. Place on wax paper and let harden.
YUM!
Well I asked my husband what he thought about the bulls. He is a graphic designer and loves art. His response was, “It’s comedy, It’s funny to have bulls stand up with udders hanging out.” Ok, I’m with you. It is pretty darn irritating!
I have a wonderful dessert for you too!
I call it Julie’s Pudding Cake (I have people call me and ask me to make it for them)
1 pkg. Yellow cake mix
1 small pkg. instant vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup oil
3/4 cup water
4 eggs (you must add them one at a time or it just isn’t the same… don’t ask me?)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. butter extract
Mix well about 6-8 minutes in mixer
filling
1/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
(1/2 cups pecans optional)
Grease bundt pan fill 1/2 way with batter then sprinkle in filling then pour remaining batter on top.
Bake at 350 degrees for about 45 min. or until toothpick comes out clean. Don’t over bake!
This cake is extremely moist and delicious.
Let cool for 10 min. then turn cake over on plate.
Glaze for cake:
1 cup powdered sugar
3 tablespoons milk
1/2 tsp. Vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. butter extract
I hope you enjoy this one! I haven’t found anyone yet that doesn’t like this. My husband likes to eat this for breakfast.
I just have to say this discussion on the udders is cracking me up! I bet it is a combination of kids not knowing their cows without them and the censors not allowing genitalae blowing in the breeze… Funny isn’t it, how it’s OK for BOOBS to be hanging out, but not balls! Weird world.
First, Mir, I have to thank you for helping me save so much money since I found you a few weeks ago. Next, I have to feign anger at you for helping me spend so much money since I found you a few weeks ago.
I don’t know anything about the Barnyard movie, or the bulls, but I grew up in farm country, so I have to say I am mortified by such an egregious misrepresentation! (But if I win the movie, my disgust won’t stop me from watching it.)
Now for the important part. This recipe has one–count ’em, one–ingredient:
World War II Caramel
Take the wrapper off of one 14-oz can of condensed (not evaporated) milk. Put unopened can in a saucepan & cover it with water. Bring to a boil, lower heat & simmer 6 hours. Make sure to keep covered with water. Remove from water & let cool before opening. The caramel is wonderful with apple slices, cookies, or just plain on a spoon. I have even dropped spoonfuls of it on brownie batter before baking and swirled it through homemade ice cream when the freezing is almost finished.
If you cook this in a pressure cooker (I have the kind with a rocker on the lid), cooking time is just one hour.
Also, you can shorten the cooking time to 4 hours in a pan or about 30-40 minutes in a pressure cooker & end up with a beautiful caramel sauce.
Either version makes a great gift (add your own homemade label) and you can make as much at one time as will fit in your pan.
The udders are a disguise so that the dudes can blend in with the ladies and find out what what really makes them tick. Just like “Tootsie”, you know.
Didn’t see the movie, but my theory? It was SO riding the coattails of all the gay/trans movies of last year — Brokeback (my new favorite movie of all time — cowboys in love, who can resist that?), Capote, and especially Transamerica. Those bull/cow-curious creatures possibly had some . . . shall we say . . . “attachments” to satisfy their curious minds before going “under the knife.” This way the movie is safe for children who don’t have to see the scary “bullish” penis parts and also presents a sexual and social commentary on the difficulties of defining gender for the more sophisticated of the audience. I mean, is gender definable? Is gender simply male or female? Cow or bull? Or are there shades of grey in between? Can animals be classified as bi? Queer? Trans? It’s an important sociological and sexual discussion that the adults can have after the kiddies have thrown up the popcorn, pop, candy, and gone to bed.
And you’re awfully pretty when you ask such questions, Mir.
I was too late, but I had fun anways :).
For the peppermint meringue cookies – temp s/be 175 degrees NOT 170 (makes a difference…)