I thought life couldn’t get any better, what with being engaged to a great guy and looking forward to finally having someone to share cooking duties with. But it turns out that I can get a free gift just because I’m getting hitched. The board I found it on says that the last time they ran this, the gift was a full-size bottle of Nivea Reshaping Cream.

Which, dude, did you just call me fat?

No matter. It’s free. I’ll take it.