Okay, maybe need is a strong word. As is ton, in this context. Let me start again.

Do you want 9 pounds of Twizzlers? Yes? You’re in luck! Amazon has 9 pounds of Twizzlers available for just $10.68, which is already kind of ridiculously cheap, but if you want to add it to your Subscribe & Save orders and get up to 5+ items, it’ll come down to just $9.08.

Listen, I understand that this is a lot of Twizzlers; I do. I also know that maybe you have some teacher gift opportunities coming up and some teachers like Twizzlers. What’s more, I know that college students love them and having a giant bag of Twizzlers in your room is maybe a good way to make friends. Just sayin’. And for whatever it’s worth, I sent my oldest off to college last year with a giant tub of Red Vines, and was later informed that Red Vines are inferior to Twizzlers. Look at me, learning from my mistakes.

(I have 9 pounds of Twizzlers coming, okay? Don’t judge me.)